ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
