why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
