no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
