How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
