apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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