Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
