the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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