I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
