Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The cops high fived after they tackled you
soo... how was my night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
