i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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