I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So much rum. So many feels.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
