I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
