Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
