Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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