He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
