Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
