He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
