Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
sarcasm needs its own font
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
