Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
