In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
