My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
