Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
