I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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