Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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