He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
