I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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