this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
