I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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