and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
