dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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