winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
