I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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