Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
