.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
