he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
