if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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