i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
