I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
