Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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