Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
