I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
