All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
