In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
