Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
