so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
she told me i tasted like america
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
