i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
