Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
