He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
