I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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