and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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