why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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