But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
