and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
