What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
