if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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