Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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