i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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