Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
