Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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