Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
