Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
