but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Randomize
