Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
