Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You made out with two different species that night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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