I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
