Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
