His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
