u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
