Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
